Pieces

Pieces scattered shattered on the floor
The mess - some my own doing and some my undoing
Afraid to pick up the sharp shards for fear of bleeding or others seeing me, the one responsible
One piece at a time, slowly, gingerly picking them up
But also taking time to glance into their imperfect perfection
One piece - the pain and regret of not protecting others from the monsters who tore my heart at a young age
Another - being too different than my family to feel welcome
One showed not only the pain of running from my God and denying my faith far more thrice but also fear of crawling back into his safe arms
Then the one letting myself be pushed into acts I couldn't comprehend others doing - selling my body for money or in exchange for keeping an unfeeling husband happy because I doubted my ability to live
A particularly sharp piece showed the pain my children felt as I walked away from that and hoping for a better life for them as they became men
Ouch, this one bleeds a little as I realize the hurt I may have caused others because of comforting them or their spouses or worse leading them astray because of my choices and tearing down homes in the process
One piece is odd in that its in constant flux - trying to be close to relatives and at times needing to walk away
I find a fistful of sharp pieces like a shattered glass of all the hurt I found in relationships
One of the most piercing ones is missing because he is gone, unable to cope with the pain and confusion in him
As I lose count I find the piece - instability - the lives of my children shattered by illnesses I found out I had and an ever changing life since
The piece scribbled like words on a piece of rice saying - at least its not psychological as I'd been told all my life
This brings little comfort as I fought for a normal life
Last I find the piece that pierced my heart tonight - will he push away or leave because of the stress of having an ill wife and the confusing role of both caregiver and lover.
All these pieces
Broken ceramic of a porcelain dolls face with no hope I can fix it
All I want is to bring hope and joy to others
Yet I'm losing hope and joy tonight
Maybe tomorrow.

Ember Wrath

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